just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
