I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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