Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
