thus making me awesome and them whores
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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