meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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