she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
