i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
