thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
