i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
