I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
