ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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