Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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