we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
