Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
