Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
