Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Randomize
