i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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