I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
