Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
