hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
