But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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