I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
