my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
