STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
