I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
