he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
