so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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