I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
