That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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