Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
