I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
