he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
