No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
