So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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