come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
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i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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