i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
