I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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