Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sponge bath it is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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