have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
