rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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