Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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