Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
