just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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