I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
