I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
