That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
