I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He better not be in your backpack
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
