dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
