I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
