Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
