I skipped work to stalk him.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
