we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
