Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
