Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
