Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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