Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize