He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
