i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
