Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
