i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
