he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize