the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
