remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
