i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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