so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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