i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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